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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\nI’m intimidated by Mommy-blogs, online parent groups, and even parenting book.\u00a0 So I don’t read them.\u00a0 I guess in part I think of them as being like the Book of Discipline \u2013 the second you open it to figure something out you find you are out of compliance and then you have to decide if you want to A. Exert an exceptional amount of energy coming into compliance or B. Maintain the status quo while feeling guilty for knowingly doing it wrong.\u00a0 That said, I don’t think parenting quite has rules like the Book of Discipline so may it is more than I’m well aware of how judgmental people are of parents, and I’m just terrified of entering a space where I’ll be judged like that.<\/p>\n
(It occurs to me this is a powerful motivator for why people stay away from church too.\u00a0 Scary parallels.)<\/p>\n
All of that is to say, I want to talk a little bit about parenting, but I don’t know any of the official words and I’m far to scared to go down the rabbit hole of the internet to find them.\u00a0 So, here are words that no one has agreed upon, but I think are right.\u00a0 I aim to be a \u201cfeelings and needs parent.\u201d\u00a0 By which I mean I seek to provide a lot of names for feelings, because I think talking about feelings helps everything, and having good names helps in talking about feelings.\u00a0 Things like, for example, \u201cI have dread when I think about online parent groups.\u201d\u00a0 The other part of this is needs, and for me that means that I believe that all human actions are motivated by attempting to meet basic human needs.\u00a0 To go back to that example, \u201cI have dread when I think about online parenting groups because I have needs for compassion and to experience myself as competent and I’m afraid that both will be threatened.\u201d<\/p>\n
I’m pretty well bought in to the value of thinking about human behavior as an expression of human need, and I’m also committed to the value of using feelings as sources of wisdom.\u00a0 These are whole life commitments, and also parenting ones.\u00a0 They aren’t particularly easy parenting commitments though.\u00a0 It means working together to figure out what is going on, and how that has impacted behavior, and what that means about what needs are seeking to be met, and how we might meet those needs together safely and without stepping on other people’s needs.\u00a0 And basically there aren’t any shortcuts to doing that work.<\/p>\n
The good part is that the skills I develop in parenting around feelings and needs are also ones that are useful in dealing with myself, and also in working with others in the church.\u00a0 The bad part is that one can get kinda drained doing things the hard way all the time.<\/p>\n
Alas.<\/p>\n
Because the another option is basically what we have in Deuteronomy, where God is presented as an authoritative, punitive parent who says \u201cdo it my way, or suffer the consequences.\u201d\u00a0 And there the consequences are particularly awful.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Whenever I read Deuteronomy I remind myself to hear it in context.\u00a0 Deuteronomy was written down in the aftermath of the destruction of Jerusalem and the despair of the Exile, in an attempt to answer the questions, \u201cWhy did this happen to us and what could we have done to prevent it?\u201d\u00a0 Those writing have just experienced a huge communal trauma that threatened every part of their identity and theology, and they want to believe that it happened for a REASON.\u00a0 Because that’s just human.\u00a0 We want to make sense of the things that happen.<\/p>\n
As people who largely believed that everything that happened, happened because God wanted it to happen, they then believed that the destruction had been God’s punishment, and to keep God in the right it thus it followed that their own misbehavior was the culprit.\u00a0 So, I can hear in our passage today an underlying assumption \u201coh how we wish we’d been more motivated to do things God’s way so this didn’t’ happen to us!\u00a0 I wonder what would have convinced us.\u00a0 Maybe these threats would have helped.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even so, I still cringe.\u00a0 That isn’t the way I parent, it isn’t the way I was parented, this isn’t the way I want to see power used in the church or the world, and to get to the point, it doesn’t fit the way I understand God.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
And yet, the idea of God as one who punishes and rewards is quite a prevalent concept in the Bible and to take a stand against it requires acknowledging that.\u00a0 I am so grateful for John Dominic Crossan for the way he named the two \u201cstreams of thought\u201d in the Hebrew Bible.\u00a0 One is the one we heard today \u2013 the stream of covenant, reward, punishment, and threat.\u00a0 It is there, it is plentiful, it can be found in the New Testament too if you are looking for it.\u00a0 BUT the other one is just as plentiful, and he called that the stream of \u201cSabbath and distributive justice.\u201d\u00a0 That one says God created Sabbath as a gift to be equally distributed to all, and after Sabbath is distributed so too should be the land, the food, the education, \u2026 the power, etc.\u00a0 It is a vision of community, of sharing, of collaboration, and of motivation to love because God loves.<\/p>\n
Both of the streams exist, and both are substantial.\u00a0 And probably both of them exist in us all to some extent, but most of us end up choosing one or the other, and I stand firmly on the side of Sabbath and distributive justice.\u00a0 I’m not arrogant enough to claim the other one is WRONG, or lacks value, or those who follow it are un-faithful.\u00a0 I just am here admitting that I know where I stand.<\/p>\n
The punishments I hear in Deuteronomy are scare tactics, they are what people fear.\u00a0 But fear isn’t a great motivator, even if plenty of us use it on ourselves all the time. OK, fine, it is a REALLY powerful short term motivator, but it doesn’t change or form hearts or minds and it runs out of steam relatively quickly. The punishments from this passage flow pretty neatly into the conceptions of heaven and hell and a God who judges who goes where \u2013 used to motivate people toward goodness and compliance but also quite poorly.\u00a0 I’ve been asked by people why I am motivated to do good in the world if not simply to avoid hell.\u00a0<\/p>\n
OYE!<\/p>\n
In truth, I tend to think of the two streams of thought in the Bible as being highly reflective of two steams of thought I see in our society.\u00a0 The Covenant one with rewards and punishments sounds a whole lot like authoritative leadership and a parental style often described as \u201cdaddy knows best.\u201d\u00a0 (Which doesn’t mean that every family system in which this is the model has a father or has the father as the one who knows best.)\u00a0 In this system everyone else’s wisdom as well as their needs are dismissed so that the authoritative figure gets what they want and others are simply expected to comply.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The Sabbath, distributive justice one sounds like an egalitarian family, one where the feelings and needs of everyone are taken seriously, and win-win solutions are sought together.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Dear ones, I work with God toward the kindom of God because I believe it is possible to be a part of a better world.\u00a0 I believe we can take care of each other.\u00a0 I believe we can distribute goods and resources fairly.\u00a0 I believe people are lovely and it is worth working for everyone to be better off together.\u00a0\u00a0 I believe in ABUNDANCE and that means there is enough for everyone if we just STOP being scared.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Which means I would rather not scare people, since fear itself is part of the resistance to just distribution.<\/p>\n
Now, I think some of the same energy that we find in Deuteronomy is also in John this week.\u00a0 Martha believes her brother wouldn’t have died if only Jesus was there, and a conversation ensues about the correctness of her belief.\u00a0 For the Gospel of John, Jesus IS God, and whatever we may think about that notion, it is useful to remember when listening to John.\u00a0 So Martha believed the presence of God would have prevented her brother’s untimely death, and is rather irked Jesus didn’t show up.\u00a0 This becomes a opening to talk about Jesus\/God’s power of life and resurrection, and in fact the story goes on past what we read today to the resurrection of Lazarus.\u00a0<\/p>\n
However, as Wilda Gafney says, Lazarus \u201cis raised to life in the same old world.\u00a0 Life in Jesus happens here among the brokenness, failings, and limitations of the present world.\u201d[1]<\/a>\u00a0 While it could be easy to hear Jesus as talking about AFTERLIFE, the context of Lazarus pulls us back to THIS world.<\/p>\n Which means it pulls us back to making THIS world better, together, for all of God’s beloveds, all of us.\u00a0 I don’t know better motivations than gratitude and hope.\u00a0 Gratitude for the goodness of life and love, hope that with God all things are possible.\u00a0 Including win-win solutions.\u00a0 Including everyone’s needs being met and everyone’s feelings being taken seriously.\u00a0 To get there, we get to practice \u2013 with each other, with our families, every where we go.\u00a0 And thank goodness, there is a whole lot of grace for when we slip up.\u00a0<\/p>\n If you want to take a first, tentative step towards all this, here is a link to a \u201cFeelings and Needs\u201d sheet <\/a>with a lot of feeling words and a list of universal human needs, and it is best to start with yourself.\u00a0 What do YOU feel?\u00a0 What do you need?\u00a0 And how is it you feel God nudging you along to get those needs met?\u00a0<\/p>\n Or, maybe get to a deeper question:\u00a0 what is underneath what you want?\u00a0 What needs are really seeking to be met and what ways are you willing to try to get them met?\u00a0 As we learn more to trust in God to care, we become better and better at sharing that love with others. We learn to make space for feelings, and needs. May God help us all!\u00a0 Amen<\/p>\n [1]<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0 Wilda C. Gafney, A Women’s Lectionary for the Whole Church<\/i> (Church Publishing Incorporated: New York, NY, 2021) p. 185<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Rev. Sara E. Baron\u00a0 <\/p>\n May 14, 2023<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
First United Methodist Church of Schenectady\u00a0
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Pronouns: she\/her\/hers\u00a0
http:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/\u00a0<\/a>
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