{"id":968,"date":"2018-06-10T17:55:07","date_gmt":"2018-06-10T17:55:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/2018\/06\/10\/the-will-of-god-based-on-1-samuel-84-20-and\/"},"modified":"2020-02-15T18:35:42","modified_gmt":"2020-02-15T18:35:42","slug":"the-will-of-god-based-on-1-samuel-84-20-and","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/2018\/06\/10\/the-will-of-god-based-on-1-samuel-84-20-and\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cThe Will of God\u201d based on 1 Samuel 8:4-20 and Mark 3:31-35"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/workcollaboratively.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/wc_needs-feelings-inventory.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/workcollaboratively.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/wc_needs-feelings-inventory.pdf<\/a><\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\" data-orig-height=\"520\" data-orig-width=\"537\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/6d620369de943914b3b46f52b1a10e30\/tumblr_inline_pa4c9cUpRz1ta4iua_540.jpg\" data-orig-height=\"520\" data-orig-width=\"537\" \/><\/figure>\n<p>\nIn<br \/>\nthe gospel today, Jesus said that anyone who does the will of God is<br \/>\nhis mother, brother, or sister. \u00a0He defines his family by those who<br \/>\ndo God&rsquo;s will. \u00a0Jesus also taught us that our God is a God of love,<br \/>\nwhich is the starting point for knowing God&rsquo;s will. \u00a0Jesus reminded<br \/>\nus of the great commandments. \u201cLove<br \/>\nthe Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind\u201d<br \/>\nand \u201cLove<br \/>\nyour neighbor as yourself.\u201d \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>I&rsquo;ve<br \/>\nhad some very helpful nudgings from this congregation recently. \u00a0Many<br \/>\nof them have been in your consistent reminders to take care of myself<br \/>\nsince my knee injury, and collectively you&rsquo;ve seemed to know that I<br \/>\nwould need a lot of those reminders. \u00a0Being patient with my body<br \/>\nisn&rsquo;t easy for me.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>There<br \/>\nwere two more nudgings as well. \u00a0One of you asked if I could say more<br \/>\nto \u00a0acknowledge the pain people have and struggle with. \u00a0That<br \/>\ncertainly felt important. \u00a0 Then came another call, asking me if I<br \/>\ncould preach about self-love. \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>I&rsquo;ve<br \/>\nconcluded that the Spirit herself has been at work in all of this.<br \/>\nSelf-love is a very exciting topic to speak about! \u00a0I&rsquo;ve spent most<br \/>\nof my continued education time during my years as your pastor working<br \/>\non this for myself, and I think I&rsquo;ve learned a few things that might<br \/>\nbe of use. \u00a0Yet, this is also a nerve wracking topic to talk about,<br \/>\nboth because it requires great vulnerability and because it is a<br \/>\ntender topic with which I might accidentally do harm.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Nevertheless,<br \/>\nit is time to talk about loving ourselves. \u00a0When we say<br \/>\n\u201cLove your neighbor as yourself,\u201d we tend to<br \/>\nignore the implicit assumption that we love ourselves contained in<br \/>\nthe rule. \u00a0To prepare for this sermon I asked on Facebook and through<br \/>\nsome emails for people to offer definitions of love. \u00a0I told them it<br \/>\nwas for preaching, I did not share that I was going to preach about<br \/>\nloving ourselves! \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>The<br \/>\nanswers were, of course, amazing. \u00a0A lot of the responses reflected<br \/>\ncareful consideration followed by a conclusion that defining love is<br \/>\nvery difficult \u00a0and perhaps impossible. \u00a0I got wished \u201cgood luck\u201d<br \/>\nrather a lot! \u00a0Some tried to find the words anyway, and I think<br \/>\nyou&rsquo;ll find them useful for reflection. \u00a0In order not to distract<br \/>\nyou, I&rsquo;m going to offer some of your definitions words without<br \/>\nattributing them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Love<br \/>\n\tis more of an action than anything else. For example, I find making<br \/>\n\tthe bed in the morning a complete waste of time, my husband loves to<br \/>\n\tcome home to a made bed, when I make the bed, I do it for him<br \/>\n\tbecause I know it will make him happy, that&rsquo;s love.<\/li>\n<li>The<br \/>\n\tglue of the Trinity, spilling over into creation.<\/li>\n<li>I<br \/>\n\tfeel that love is a choice. It stems from a feeling, but it is a<br \/>\n\tsolid, daily choice.<\/li>\n<li>the<br \/>\n\tmovement of goodness itself&hellip;<\/li>\n<li>Spirit<br \/>\n\tis Love and Love is Spirit<\/li>\n<li>Companionship;\u00a0 Communication;\u00a0 \u00a0Accepting<br \/>\n\teach others thoughts and feelings; Reaching<br \/>\n\ta hand in church; In<br \/>\n\tthe middle of the night reaching out to touch<\/li>\n<li>love<br \/>\n\tcannot be defined because a definition automatically puts boundaries<br \/>\n\tand love is not bounded<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>\n\tOne<br \/>\n\tcan give examples of the affects of love on both the lover and the<br \/>\n\tobject of that love (animate or inanimate) and the effects of<br \/>\n\tlove-Love casts out fear<\/p>\n<p>\nFinally,<br \/>\none among you shared a set of profound thoughts, which I cannot<br \/>\nsummarize or shorten without weakening it:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\nLove<br \/>\ncan mean many things\u00a0 depending on the context.<br \/>I<br \/>\nthink you mean love as it involves people or spirit rather than<br \/>\nthings like ice cream or sports.<\/p>\n<p>With<br \/>\nregard to people, <b>love<br \/>\nis a state of unlimited commitment <\/b>where<br \/>\ntwo people or even in some cases like a pet dog<br \/>\nbecome<br \/>\nso in sync with one&rsquo;s feelings that the <b>object<br \/>\nof love is an extension of the person <\/b>and<br \/>\nfoibles are overlooked or forgiven.<\/p>\n<p>\nThen<br \/>\nthere is spiritual love =the love of God or Jesus which is our rock<br \/>\nof support -it is often recognized in retrospect like in the<br \/>\nexpression `If not for the love of God\u00a0 I would have suffered&rsquo;.<br \/>\nWhen one recovers from a traumatic experience or accident\u00a0 one<br \/>\nis grateful for the love of the Divine.<br \/>I<br \/>\nknow that \u00a0scientists and<br \/>\nengineers<br \/>\nare often tagged as \u00a0non-believers unless some measurement standard\u00a0<br \/>\ncan document the cause of an event. \u00a0I don&rsquo;t agree \u2013 there&rsquo;s more<br \/>\nthan mortals can conjure up that is involved. \u00a0<br \/>\nSo<br \/>\nthese are my ramblings &#8211; I&rsquo;ll be interested in the views of others<br \/>\nand<br \/>\nremain<br \/>\n<b>thankful<br \/>\nfor all the love I have experienced.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>\nAnother<br \/>\namong you has since reminded me to tell you that love is so powerful<br \/>\nas to be very dangerous. \u00a0Since I was reminded of that I&rsquo;ve been<br \/>\ntrying figure out if that applies to self love or not. \u00a0It seems to<br \/>\nme that romantic love is far more dangerous than self love, but then<br \/>\nagain that the world as we know it would fall apart if we were good<br \/>\nat self love. \u00a0(At least, the US economy would!) \u00a0 So perhaps self<br \/>\nlove is quite dangerous as well. \u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\nNow,<br \/>\nthe logical among you (and there are plenty of you!) are going to<br \/>\nwish that at this point I&rsquo;d offer a definition of self-love, despite<br \/>\nthe fact that I&rsquo;ve just shown you by example how very hard it is to<br \/>\ndefine love at all. \u00a0I&rsquo;m going to give this my best shot. \u00a0Self-love<br \/>\nis \u201cloving yourself as you&rsquo;d love your neighbor.\u201d \u00a0Or, perhaps it<br \/>\nmight be better for some of us to say \u201cloving yourself as you&rsquo;d<br \/>\nwant a dearly loved one to be able to love themselves.\u201d \u00a0I say this<br \/>\nbecause most people I know are far kinder to their loved ones than<br \/>\nthemselves. \u00a0We speak to ourselves in ways we&rsquo;d never permit<br \/>\nourselves to speak to anyone else. \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nThere<br \/>\nare 4 girls in this world I consider my nieces, including one who is<br \/>\nbiologically my niece. \u00a0The two oldest are old enough to sometimes be<br \/>\nterribly hard on themselves, and life has sometimes given me the<br \/>\nchance to have heart-to-heart talks with them when they&rsquo;re in the<br \/>\nmidst of self-blame. \u00a0Because of my deep love for them and because of<br \/>\nthe training I&rsquo;ve had in listening, I&rsquo;ve sometimes been able to help<br \/>\nthem translate their own self-criticisms. \u00a0It turns out that \u201cI&rsquo;m<br \/>\nan idiot\u201d usually means something else entirely, for instance, \u201cI&rsquo;m<br \/>\nfeeling frustrated that I can&rsquo;t find my long underwear, and I&rsquo;m<br \/>\nafraid it is a fundamental flaw in my humanity that I could have lost<br \/>\nthem.\u201d \u00a0Once translated, it becomes much easier to think together<br \/>\nabout whether or not misplaced long underwear are really such an<br \/>\nenormous failure.<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nNow,<br \/>\nclearly, misplacing one&rsquo;s long underwear does not an idiot make. \u00a0We<br \/>\nall have the capacity to assure a beloved child of that. \u00a0I&rsquo;m less<br \/>\nconfident about our ability to remember that when dealing with<br \/>\nourselves. \u00a0We jump from a small infraction of our ideals to an<br \/>\nenormous overstatement of our failures. \u00a0We keep the self-criticism<br \/>\ntightly wound inside, most of us keep it so tightly wound that we try<br \/>\nto pretend it away even to ourselves. \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nThe<br \/>\njump from small infraction to utter failure is the work of an<br \/>\ninternal \u201cself-critic.\u201d \u00a0We all have them. \u00a0These are parts of<br \/>\nourselves that manage to jump to strong, universal, and nasty<br \/>\ncriticisms at lightspeed. \u00a0They sound like this: \u00a0\u201cI&rsquo;m lazy.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cNo one really likes me.\u201d \u201cI&rsquo;m stupid.\u201d \u201cI&rsquo;m selfish.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cEverything is wrong and it is all my fault.\u201d \u00a0\u201cI&rsquo;m going to<br \/>\nfail.\u201d \u00a0\u201cI&rsquo;m fat.\u201d \u201cI&rsquo;m going to get fired.\u201d \u00a0\u201cI&rsquo;m ugly.\u201d<br \/>\n \u201cI&rsquo;m unlovable.\u201d \u00a0\u201cI don&rsquo;t deserve to be here.\u201d \u00a0 Most of us<br \/>\nhave a lot of them, and they&rsquo;re powerful. \u00a0While they all sound more<br \/>\nor less alike, each of us have our own set with their own \u00a0particular<br \/>\nrefrains. \u00a0Self-critics within say things we&rsquo;d never allow others to<br \/>\nsay to us \u2013 and would never say to others &#8211; and they say them<br \/>\nregularly.<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nThe<br \/>\nmost shocking thing I&rsquo;ve learned this decade is that self-critics are<br \/>\nTRYING TO HELP us. \u00a0They&rsquo;re just really, really bad at it. \u00a0They<br \/>\nactually want to protect and support us, but they have bad<br \/>\ncommunication skills. \u00a0They think yelling at us and shaming us will<br \/>\nmotivate us to do better. \u00a0Instead, it can cripple us at times, it<br \/>\nkeeps us afraid, and it doesn&rsquo;t give us any sense of freedom.<br \/>\nHowever, it is possible to learn how to TRANSLATE the criticism!<br \/>\nUnder the ugly words is a loving intention, and if you listen to that<br \/>\nself-critic the way you might listen to a beloved niece, you can find<br \/>\nit. \u00a0The best part is that once you hear the loving-intention<br \/>\nunderneath the criticism, the critic often stops yelling and gives<br \/>\nyou some peace!<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nListening<br \/>\nto our self-critics is terrifying. \u00a0However, in my experience, it is<br \/>\nmore frightening to contemplate than to do. \u00a0Because the self-critic<br \/>\nalways has a loving intention, and because that loving-intention<br \/>\nhasn&rsquo;t usually been heard, it is actually sort of lovely! \u00a0It is far<br \/>\nworse to hear the criticisms regularly yelled from within than it is<br \/>\nto hear the loving-intention!<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nOne<br \/>\nof the harshest critics I&rsquo;ve had in my life used to tell me quite<br \/>\noften that I was \u201ctoo much.\u201d \u00a0This was extended to include, \u201ctoo<br \/>\nloud, too big, and too pushy.\u201d \u00a0I heard it MANY times a day. \u00a0With<br \/>\nthe guidance of a loving teacher, I was able to hear beneath it. \u00a0The<br \/>\nself-critic was still feeling the pain of being an unpopular<br \/>\nelementary school student, and was trying to help me control myself<br \/>\nin ways that might make me more like-able. \u00a0The self-critic hadn&rsquo;t<br \/>\nmeant to hurt me! \u00a0It really did want to help, it was just scared!<br \/>\nOnce I heard the loving-intention, it toned down. I still hear from<br \/>\nher once in a while, but only in fairly extreme circumstances (when<br \/>\nmaybe I should be keeping my mouth shut after all!). \u00a0Even then, the<br \/>\nbite that once sought to control me isn&rsquo;t there anymore. \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nThere<br \/>\nis a quote I&rsquo;ve always loved, \u201cLove me when I least deserve it<br \/>\nbecause that&rsquo;s when I really need it.\u201d \u00a0This applies to others when<br \/>\nthey&rsquo;re not able to behave well, and it applies to ourselves when<br \/>\nwe&rsquo;re not able to behave well, and it applies to our self-critics!<br \/>\n , Now, I don&rsquo;t want to send you off to face your self-critics<br \/>\nwithout a bit more guidance. \u00a0If you are ready to live without quite<br \/>\nas much internal yelling, then I suggest a few things. \u00a0It helps a<br \/>\nlot to write things down. \u00a0\u201cI&rsquo;m too much\u201d was a terrifying,<br \/>\nalmost heart-stopping thing to hear inside myself, but in black and<br \/>\nwhite on paper it looked a lot smaller. \u00a0If you have a person you<br \/>\ntrust, they are often quite helpful in working on translating with<br \/>\nyou. \u00a0(Including your pastor.) \u00a0The process takes some time, so be<br \/>\npatient with yourself. \u00a0It may sound silly, but it requires actually<br \/>\nlistening to the self-critic in order to get to the loving intention.<br \/>\n And, as loud and hurtful as self-critics can be, they&rsquo;re also sorta<br \/>\nshy.  This is a good time to remind you of the \u201cfeelings and needs\u201d<br \/>\nlist found here: <a href=\"https:\/\/workcollaboratively.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/wc_needs-feelings-inventory.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/workcollaboratively.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/wc_needs-feelings-inventory.pdf<\/a>. \u00a0It helps to remember that we<br \/>\nall have needs, the needs are universal, needs do not make us weak \u2013<br \/>\nAND most self-critics are trying to help us meet a need!! \u00a0A very<br \/>\ndifficult to internalize reminder: \u00a0we can actually get along without<br \/>\nself-critics. \u00a0They are not the only reason we get anything done, we<br \/>\nare able to function and even thrive without internal yellers. \u00a0\n<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nI<br \/>\nstarted this conversation with the precious moments I&rsquo;ve had when<br \/>\nI&rsquo;ve been able to help translate my niece&rsquo;s fears. \u00a0I started that<br \/>\nway on purpose. \u00a0Our inner critics are a lot like hurting children,<br \/>\nand they respond best to patient, gentle, loving attention; and they<br \/>\nsometimes need some affirmation that we know they&rsquo;re hurting before<br \/>\nthey can trust us to work with them. \u00a0The ways we seek to help<br \/>\nchildren when they&rsquo;re hurting are the same skills we can use to be<br \/>\nmore loving to ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nDoing<br \/>\nthe work to love ourselves is a part of God&rsquo;s will. \u00a0If God loves us,<br \/>\nthen God doesn&rsquo;t want us spoken to in hurtful and abusive ways.<br \/>\nThus, the time it takes to find the loving-intention is time well<br \/>\nspent. \u00a0Furthermore, love itself is a cool thing. \u00a0Every time it<br \/>\nstretches out in a new direction, it expands its capacity. \u00a0As we<br \/>\nlove others more, we can love ourselves more. \u00a0As we love ourselves<br \/>\nmore, we can love God more. \u00a0 As we love God more, we can love others<br \/>\nand ourselves more.<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nLove<br \/>\nis the will of God.<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nIncluding,<br \/>\nself-love.<\/p>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<p>\nMay<br \/>\nwe do God&rsquo;s will. \u00a0Amen\n<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>&ndash;<\/p>\n<p>Rev. Sara E. Baron<\/p>\n<p>First United Methodist Church of Schenectady<\/p>\n<p>603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305<\/p>\n<p>Pronouns: she\/her\/hers<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/\">http:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/FUMCSchenectady\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/FUMCSchenectady<\/a><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>June 10, 2018<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>https:\/\/workcollaboratively.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/wc_needs-feelings-inventory.pdf In the gospel today, Jesus said that anyone who does the will of God is his mother, brother, or &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/2018\/06\/10\/the-will-of-god-based-on-1-samuel-84-20-and\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">\u201cThe Will of God\u201d based on 1 Samuel 8:4-20 and Mark 3:31-35<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[34,38,28,39,33,368,369,228,365,56,367,366],"class_list":["post-968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sermons","tag-fumc-schenectady","tag-progressive-christianity","tag-rev-sara-e-baron","tag-thinking-church","tag-umc","tag-gods-will","tag-no-footnotes","tag-nvc","tag-pride","tag-schenectady","tag-self-love","tag-thanks-dian"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/968","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=968"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/968\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1184,"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/968\/revisions\/1184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=968"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=968"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumcschenectady.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=968"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}