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“The Things We Fear, and the Things We Want” based on Deuteronomy 28:58-68 and John 11:17-27
I’m not particularly great at monitoring the secular calendar, so before I preach this sermon, I need to admit that I completely forgot today was Mothers’ day. This is only relevant because I’m talking about parenting, which is something I’d have sought to avoid if I remembered. But I didn’t. So here we are.

I’m intimidated by Mommy-blogs, online parent groups, and even parenting book. So I don’t read them. I guess in part I think of them as being like the Book of Discipline – the second you open it to figure something out you find you are out of compliance and then you have to decide if you want to A. Exert an exceptional amount of energy coming into compliance or B. Maintain the status quo while feeling guilty for knowingly doing it wrong. That said, I don’t think parenting quite has rules like the Book of Discipline so may it is more than I’m well aware of how judgmental people are of parents, and I’m just terrified of entering a space where I’ll be judged like that.
(It occurs to me this is a powerful motivator for why people stay away from church too. Scary parallels.)
All of that is to say, I want to talk a little bit about parenting, but I don’t know any of the official words and I’m far to scared to go down the rabbit hole of the internet to find them. So, here are words that no one has agreed upon, but I think are right. I aim to be a “feelings and needs parent.” By which I mean I seek to provide a lot of names for feelings, because I think talking about feelings helps everything, and having good names helps in talking about feelings. Things like, for example, “I have dread when I think about online parent groups.” The other part of this is needs, and for me that means that I believe that all human actions are motivated by attempting to meet basic human needs. To go back to that example, “I have dread when I think about online parenting groups because I have needs for compassion and to experience myself as competent and I’m afraid that both will be threatened.”
I’m pretty well bought in to the value of thinking about human behavior as an expression of human need, and I’m also committed to the value of using feelings as sources of wisdom. These are whole life commitments, and also parenting ones. They aren’t particularly easy parenting commitments though. It means working together to figure out what is going on, and how that has impacted behavior, and what that means about what needs are seeking to be met, and how we might meet those needs together safely and without stepping on other people’s needs. And basically there aren’t any shortcuts to doing that work.
The good part is that the skills I develop in parenting around feelings and needs are also ones that are useful in dealing with myself, and also in working with others in the church. The bad part is that one can get kinda drained doing things the hard way all the time.
Alas.
Because the another option is basically what we have in Deuteronomy, where God is presented as an authoritative, punitive parent who says “do it my way, or suffer the consequences.” And there the consequences are particularly awful.
Whenever I read Deuteronomy I remind myself to hear it in context. Deuteronomy was written down in the aftermath of the destruction of Jerusalem and the despair of the Exile, in an attempt to answer the questions, “Why did this happen to us and what could we have done to prevent it?” Those writing have just experienced a huge communal trauma that threatened every part of their identity and theology, and they want to believe that it happened for a REASON. Because that’s just human. We want to make sense of the things that happen.
As people who largely believed that everything that happened, happened because God wanted it to happen, they then believed that the destruction had been God’s punishment, and to keep God in the right it thus it followed that their own misbehavior was the culprit. So, I can hear in our passage today an underlying assumption “oh how we wish we’d been more motivated to do things God’s way so this didn’t’ happen to us! I wonder what would have convinced us. Maybe these threats would have helped.”
Even so, I still cringe. That isn’t the way I parent, it isn’t the way I was parented, this isn’t the way I want to see power used in the church or the world, and to get to the point, it doesn’t fit the way I understand God.
And yet, the idea of God as one who punishes and rewards is quite a prevalent concept in the Bible and to take a stand against it requires acknowledging that. I am so grateful for John Dominic Crossan for the way he named the two “streams of thought” in the Hebrew Bible. One is the one we heard today – the stream of covenant, reward, punishment, and threat. It is there, it is plentiful, it can be found in the New Testament too if you are looking for it. BUT the other one is just as plentiful, and he called that the stream of “Sabbath and distributive justice.” That one says God created Sabbath as a gift to be equally distributed to all, and after Sabbath is distributed so too should be the land, the food, the education, … the power, etc. It is a vision of community, of sharing, of collaboration, and of motivation to love because God loves.
Both of the streams exist, and both are substantial. And probably both of them exist in us all to some extent, but most of us end up choosing one or the other, and I stand firmly on the side of Sabbath and distributive justice. I’m not arrogant enough to claim the other one is WRONG, or lacks value, or those who follow it are un-faithful. I just am here admitting that I know where I stand.
The punishments I hear in Deuteronomy are scare tactics, they are what people fear. But fear isn’t a great motivator, even if plenty of us use it on ourselves all the time. OK, fine, it is a REALLY powerful short term motivator, but it doesn’t change or form hearts or minds and it runs out of steam relatively quickly. The punishments from this passage flow pretty neatly into the conceptions of heaven and hell and a God who judges who goes where – used to motivate people toward goodness and compliance but also quite poorly. I’ve been asked by people why I am motivated to do good in the world if not simply to avoid hell.
OYE!
In truth, I tend to think of the two streams of thought in the Bible as being highly reflective of two steams of thought I see in our society. The Covenant one with rewards and punishments sounds a whole lot like authoritative leadership and a parental style often described as “daddy knows best.” (Which doesn’t mean that every family system in which this is the model has a father or has the father as the one who knows best.) In this system everyone else’s wisdom as well as their needs are dismissed so that the authoritative figure gets what they want and others are simply expected to comply.
The Sabbath, distributive justice one sounds like an egalitarian family, one where the feelings and needs of everyone are taken seriously, and win-win solutions are sought together.
Dear ones, I work with God toward the kindom of God because I believe it is possible to be a part of a better world. I believe we can take care of each other. I believe we can distribute goods and resources fairly. I believe people are lovely and it is worth working for everyone to be better off together. I believe in ABUNDANCE and that means there is enough for everyone if we just STOP being scared.
Which means I would rather not scare people, since fear itself is part of the resistance to just distribution.
Now, I think some of the same energy that we find in Deuteronomy is also in John this week. Martha believes her brother wouldn’t have died if only Jesus was there, and a conversation ensues about the correctness of her belief. For the Gospel of John, Jesus IS God, and whatever we may think about that notion, it is useful to remember when listening to John. So Martha believed the presence of God would have prevented her brother’s untimely death, and is rather irked Jesus didn’t show up. This becomes a opening to talk about Jesus/God’s power of life and resurrection, and in fact the story goes on past what we read today to the resurrection of Lazarus.
However, as Wilda Gafney says, Lazarus “is raised to life in the same old world. Life in Jesus happens here among the brokenness, failings, and limitations of the present world.”[1] While it could be easy to hear Jesus as talking about AFTERLIFE, the context of Lazarus pulls us back to THIS world.
Which means it pulls us back to making THIS world better, together, for all of God’s beloveds, all of us. I don’t know better motivations than gratitude and hope. Gratitude for the goodness of life and love, hope that with God all things are possible. Including win-win solutions. Including everyone’s needs being met and everyone’s feelings being taken seriously. To get there, we get to practice – with each other, with our families, every where we go. And thank goodness, there is a whole lot of grace for when we slip up.
If you want to take a first, tentative step towards all this, here is a link to a “Feelings and Needs” sheet with a lot of feeling words and a list of universal human needs, and it is best to start with yourself. What do YOU feel? What do you need? And how is it you feel God nudging you along to get those needs met?
Or, maybe get to a deeper question: what is underneath what you want? What needs are really seeking to be met and what ways are you willing to try to get them met? As we learn more to trust in God to care, we become better and better at sharing that love with others. We learn to make space for feelings, and needs. May God help us all! Amen
[1] Wilda C. Gafney, A Women’s Lectionary for the Whole Church (Church Publishing Incorporated: New York, NY, 2021) p. 185
Rev. Sara E. Baron
First United Methodist Church of Schenectady
603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305
Pronouns: she/her/hers
http://fumcschenectady.org/
https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady
May 14, 2023








