Hi.
My name is Sara Baron and I have the great delight of being the
pastor of the First United Methodist Church of Schenectady.

I
also haven’t been with the church in quite a while, even in this
medium.  If you’ve joined us in the past 3 months, I may be a new
face to you – I’ve been out on family leave welcoming our child
into the world.  The past months have been a roller coaster of
emotions for me: fear as our child was born too early, joy at his
capacity to thrive, gratitude at the support we received, horror as
the pandemic got worse, horror at the continued violence against
brown and black bodies, appreciation for those who protested and
organized in response, frustration at sitting on the couch nursing
instead of being in the midst of the response, melancholy at
isolation because of the pandemic, joy in connection because of the
gift of a back yard, wonder at watching our child grow, fear
regarding my own capacities to work and parent, and then relief to
remember how much I love this work and the people of this community.

Thanks
for listening to my highlights – I hope to have the chance to hear
yours soon.

In
the midst of all of this, I’ve also struggled with my own self
judgement over “productivity.”  When I went into the hospital to
have our son, I’d written worship, outlined the sermon, and prepared
the children’s sermon.  I REALLY wanted to just finish worship before
stepping into the role of patient, but I KNEW that if I recorded a
sermon with the hospital wall in the background, I’d be taken to task
about it for the rest of my life.  It didn’t change my frustration at
being unable to finish.

One
among you sent this card 

 to us,
and it has embodied the past 3 months for me.  For those who know me
well, you may know that this has driven me up the wall.  I spent a
lot of time dreaming what I’d do with my next “break from
breastfeeding” only to learn that feeding a extra tiny preemie
doesn’t really COME with breaks.  Or at least it didn’t for me.  I’m
told I got an extra special dose of being velcroed to the couch.

What
is funny is that this was only different for me in matter of degree.
For my whole life I’ve had a running to do list in my read, one that
would require every day to be 3 days long and each day to be
PERFECTLY efficient, and every day I’ve been frustrated that I
couldn’t complete the tasks on my mental to do list.   And then, I
feel guilty for what I didn’t get done.

I’m
under the impression this isn’t just me.

All
of which I share to admit how I EMOTIONALLY respond to this gospel
lesson today – the one where Peter gets called “the rock on which
I’ll build my church” and I think, “WOW, he must have gotten a
lot done to get that title, which is further proof that a human CAN
do that much and so I should be able to and I’ve failed.”  Which,
if I’m honest, isn’t a great emotional response to this gospel, but
it is MY emotional response right now, and I have a fear that many
people can follow me.

There
are some ironies in my response of course. One is that Jesus didn’t
ever SAY this, the story we read is the construction of the later
Christian community expressing their faith as well as their
leadership structure.  The other irony is that this is said to PETER
who is the disciple best known for getting everything wrong and
putting his foot in his mouth.  Peter, in the gospels, isn’t the
paradigm of perfection and productivity.  Peter is the paradigm of
missing the point.  He wants to build tabernacles at the
transfiguration, he encourages Jesus to stay out of Jerusalem for
safety’s sake, he denies Jesus after the last supper, he refuses
footwashing.

It
is a funny way to be a rock – but actually, it is rather
historically true.  ALL the gospels tell us that Peter usually missed
the point, loudly, while Acts and church history tell us that he
because the leader among the disciples after Jesus’ death.  Its a bit
confusing, unless you remember that God doesn’t judge us the way
we judge ourselves or others.

Which,
dear ones, is one of the most significant pieces of faith, and bears
rather constant repeating.  Our value is NOT based on our
productivity, it is NOT based on our consumption, it is NOT based on
our knowledge, it is NOT based on our success.  Our “value” is
inherent:  we are beloved children of God, and we are loved because
we are God’s, and nothing we can do can take away God’s love.  We do
NOT have to earn God’s grace, and we do not have to prove our worth.

If
you are like me, knowing this may be easy, living it is not.

But
it is a big deal.  Because we believe this applies to EVERYONE, and
if everyone is beloved by God… the world is really messed up.  

Now,
I believe that our core identity is being beloved by God and our
productivity is irrelevant.  AND I think that there is a reasonable
question that follows the wonder of being loved by God…. “What is
an appropriate response to God’s love?”  Or perhaps, “How can I
express my gratitude?”  Or, maybe, “That’s wonderful, how would
God most like me to share my joy?”  (I’ve
heard of a preschool Sunday School teacher who asked it as “What
makes God smile?”)

I
believe these questions are VERY different from “What do I have to
DO to be worthwhile or worthy?” but we tend to get them confused.
Or at least, I do.

From
my knowledge of God and the Bible, the answer to the questions about
responding to God’s love are: to love in return.  Love God, and love
your neighbor – two sides of the same coin.

But
this can get tricky too.  Because sometimes we think that the harder
we work to love, the more worthy that love is.  But Paul’s sharing in
Romans helps counteract that idea.  

Paul
encourages us to bring our WHOLE SELVES to God, to worship with body
and spirit.  We aren’t meant to leave our weaknesses or struggles
behind in our God-life.   Responding to God’s love is something we do
AS WE ARE, not while pretending to be perfect.  #peter

Paul
urges us not to be conformed to this world – and I think that is
the world where our “value” is in our production and consumption.
Rather, we are freed to see as God sees, to love as God loves, to be
transformed by grace and to transform the world around us.  Paul
encourages the members of the church – the parts of the Body – to
use the gifts they have toward the kindom.  Not to use the gifts they
WANT to have, nor the ones they THINK are most valuable, nor even the
ones others want them to have, but to use the gifts the HAVE.  It
even seems a little bit like the wisdom of the IJ book “How to Be
an Anti Racist” by Dr. Ibram Kendi – which invites us to take
hierarchy out of how we see cultures and people and instead celebrate
people and peoples where and how they are.  So too the gifts of God.

Then,
it almost seems like God’s good gifts enable us to do the work God
asks of us, and it isn’t all arduous.  It sounds as if I’ve been
often been making things harder than they need to be.

Peter
is the rock on which the church is built, and the church has made it
2000 years or so.  The gifts he had, with God’s help, were sufficient
for the task.  Friends, the gifts we have are too – and they don’t
always have to be forced.  We are already loved for who we are.  The
question is not what we have to do not what we should do.  The
questions are what we can do and want to do!  That’s how we too can
be rocks for the kindom.

Thanks
be to God.   Amen

Questions:

Where
do you most tend to try to prove your worth?

What
most effectively reminds you that you are already beloved of God, as
you?

What
parts of kindom building bring you joy?

How
does it feel to be reminded that Peter was imperfect and still of
value?

What
would it look like in your life to allow yourself a bit more grace to
love LESS arduously? 

—

Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers 

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady