This
Mary washing Jesus’s feet with her hair story is a variation on
stories found in the Synoptic Gospels.  Just to clarify a few things
that you might have heard:  this is the Mary of Mary and Martha, not
Mary of Magdala;  there is no reason to believe that the woman in the
story was a prostitute;  that said there were a few indiscretions
inherent in the story!  To name them succinctly:  women weren’t
supposed to be a part of formal dinner parties (then again Mary
wasn’t supposed to sit at Jesus’s feet as a disciple either),  a
woman taking her hair down in public was scandalous, and feet aren’t
always really FEET in the Bible, even though I think they are here.

Other
than Jesus, all the characters in this story are unique to John’s
version.  Given that, it is quite interesting that Judas is put in
the role he is.  It works well as foreshadowing.  It also works well
to explain a few things.  When Judas is called a “thief” in the
story, the particular verb is the same one used in chapter 10 to
describe a thief who steals sheep.  Thus, “The expression ‘not
because he cared about the poor’ echoes the description of the hired
hand’s lack of care for the sheep (10:13).  The use of these words
suggests that the description of Judas is intended to point the
reader toward the proper context in which to place Judas’s actions.
When he betrays Jesus, he betrays the sheep.”¹
Thus when Mary takes care of Jesus, she takes care of the sheep too.
The shepherd and the sheep are interdependent.

John’s
version of this story sets up an interesting question: is it better
to use the super expensive (5 figure) perfume on Jesus or to sell it
and give the proceeds to the poor?  The answer most theologians have
given is that it is good to be devoted to Jesus.  The text sets us up
to think this way by saying that not even Judas meant the money for
the poor.  However, I think it is a valid question!  

I
think it is a REALLY valid question.  After all, how do we decide
what to do with our resources?  Most of us, most of the time, aren’t
in possession of perfume worth’s a year salary that was hand carried
from India to Bethany, but we do have our own resources to care
about.  How do we decide what to give away, and what to use?  How do
we decide what portions of our time to give away?  When are are ready
to give something away – time, or money, resources or energy- how
do we know where to best put it?

I’m
not a great decider when it comes to such questions (or most others.)
I tend to think like a Tupper, “I need more data!”  The answer
between “show devotion” and “care for the vulnerable” is
fuzzy for me plenty of the time.  

And
I worry that when I don’t decide, when I just go about my day to day
life without thinking too hard, I’m even more likely to err than if I
consider a decision carefully and then choose “wrong.”  Yet the
fear of being wrong often leads me to the status quo, and the status
quo isn’t particularly intentional.

Luckily
there is something called discernment.  Apple dictionary does a great
job with the word “discernment.”  The first definition is “the
ability to judge well” the second is “(in Christian contexts)
perception in the absence of judgement with a view to obtaining
spiritual direction and understanding.”²
So, in a very practical way discernment is deciding, but it has more
nuance: it is about making decisions spiritually.  I suspect that
sounds fine and good to most of you – but also a bit meaningless.

I
have two practical offerings for you – two means of getting into
discernment.  The first is a spiritual practice called “Daily
Examen.”  I’ve mentioned it before, because I really like it.
Daily Examen is a simple practice, it is flexible, it is meaningful,
and it is HANDS DOWN the best way I know of for discernment of BIG
LIFE THINGS.

It
can be done individually, with a friend or partner, or in a group.
It goes like this.  You do what you need to do to center yourself, be
that lighting a candle, turning on music, sitting comfortably, taking
deep breathes, or all of the above.  Then, in language that works for
you, you ask the Divine to work with you in reviewing the past 24
hours.  As you review the day, you seek out what the best part was
and what the worst part was.  You may want to ask this differently:
when was I most connected to Love, when I was I least connected to
Love, when did I feel most whole, when did I feel least whole, etc.
The goal is to find a “high” and a “low” and THEN to thank
God for both, and for everything in-between.  

Then,
if you are working with others, you share that information.  In any
case, you write them down: the date, the best, and the worst.  After
a while…. weeks, or months… you review what you’ve written and
you pay attention to patterns.  Was the worst part of you day more
often than not related to your job?  Then it is definitely time to
consider if that aspect of your job can change, OR if your job can
change, or if your attitude about your job needs to change.  Was the
best part fo your day often the time you spent with your pet?  Then
likely it would be great to find ways to maximize that.  Or, perhaps,
was the best part of your day some ministry or group you only get to
do very once in a while – but every time it happens it was the
best?  Then, perhaps that is something you want to give more
attention to.

See?
Pay attention to patterns, and USE them to discern ways to live a
life with even more good, more love, more wholeness.  I want to note
that the staff I and I do this at staff meeting, although then we
review the whole week.  I’m often SHOCKED that the answers I find
aren’t the ones I expect, and I think we all know each other a whole
lot more because we’ve heard where both joy and frustration live in
each other’s lives.

If
you want a resource to help you with this process, the book “Sleeping
with Bread” is particularly excellent.

The
second practical offering I have for you is from Nonviolent
Communication (insert gasps of shock here).  As a whole, nonviolent
communication teaches us to listen and to speak in four parts:  

With
clear objective observation

In
naming and claiming emotions.  (ie. “I feel …”and never “You
make me feel…”

In
identifying and noticing the needs that are connected to the
feelings

In
making requests.

The
absolute key, as I see it, of Nonviolent Communication is in the link
between steps 2 and 3.  That’s the part where we take feelings we are
feeling and examine them to figure out what needs are under them.
This process has proven to me that it can unravel even the most
complex experiences and responses for me.  For example, I can think
of a time when I have felt annoyed.  This is definitely something
worth considering, because it is MUCH more likely to give me
information about myself and what I’m needing than it is about what
I’d otherwise call the “source of my annoyance.”  If I am
annoyed, it is because some need or needs of MINE aren’t being met.
Sometimes this is because my need for rest isn’t being met.  Other
times it is my need for harmony, other times for order!  In fact,
feeling annoyed has sometimes reflected a need for some
consideration.  In this way of looking at things, feelings are gifts
given to us to help us navigate and understand the needs that
motivate them.  They’re like flags marking something that needs our
attention.  (Note: anger is super extra this, it marks a violation of
something we really value!)

Once
we are able to notice a feeling, it gives us a chance to consider
what needs are underneath it.  Then, once we know the need, we have a
LOT of information about what is going on with us.  Further, since
needs can be met in infinite ways, we have a lot of choices about how
to proceed.  If what I’m needing is rest, I can go home and take a
nap… or I can go to the bathroom and take an extra long time
washing my hands…. or maybe just take a moment and say a few breath
prayers.  If what I’m needing is consideration, then I have the
chance to consider what that can look like and if I’m willing to make
a request related to it.

All
of this means that feelings, which we have all the time, can be great
sources of wisdom about who we are, what we need, and that opens up
the door for some great discernment.

It
seems like a good moment to point out that in Nonviolent
Communication, needs are considered universal, and they’re not a bad
thing.  They just ARE.  The goal is to become aware of them when
they’re flaring up and then become aware of the MANY ways they can be
fulfilled, so that we start getting creative rather than trying to
force the same solutions over and over that don’t work.

Discernment
is very different from decision making.  It is deeper.  It is about
the why even more than the what.  It can be reached through Daily
Examen, or Nonviolent communication considerations, or even just
through the quiet of contemplative prayer.  I appreciate a difference
between petitionary prayer – asking God for stuff- and
contemplative prayer – being present with God.  Personally, I enjoy
and find much more value in the latter.  It also helps with
discernment.  

I’ve
been told that when Quakers have an extra long agenda for a meeting,
they spend twice as long in silent prayer before it begins.  There is
wisdom in that.  Rushing to decisions can be as bad as avoiding them
all together.  But discernment, deep consideration, gives us all a
way to make good, spiritual decisions.  

It
turns out, of course, that pouring expensive perfume on Jesus’s feet
was a perfectly acceptable option.  I maintain that selling it and
giving the money away would have been too.  The key is probably in
the reasons underneath and around each decision, and figuring those
out takes discernment.

May
we practice it – regularly and well.  Amen

1Gail
R. O’Day, “John” New Interpreter’s Bible page 702.

2Apple
Dictionary, “discernment” accessed 4/4/2019.

Rev. Sara E. Baron
First United Methodist Church of Schenectady
603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305
Pronouns: she/her/hers
http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

April 7, 2019